I am amazed when I look back thru pictures...
About how big I let myself become.....
I just cannot believe I let my weight get so out of control....
So... I am going to tell you a story... This is going to be a long one....
But I think I need to go in depth...finally....
When I was 9 my mom was in a horriffic car crash(she was pregnant with my bro at the time)and her best friend died in teh accident...
I think I was so overwhelmed and scared... That I became an emotional eater....
Hence the battle of the bulge begins....
Anytime I got sad...or mad.. I shoveled the food in...
And as a little kid being ehavy wasn't that big of a deal....
Until I started public school..
And everything changed....
I went from having so many friends that they fought over me...
To having just one.....
I was teased almost every day of my life....
Which caused me to eat even more...
Kids are cruel.... Anyone who says they aren't...was never teased in school....
It got so bad that I transferred schools again....
I made a lot more friends at that school, but I was still teased constantly....
When I hit 7th grade I decided that I wanted to be skinny...
So I literally starved myself...
I pretended to eat at the table at home and flushed my food....
I got so thin that I looked sick.....dark circles under my eyes....
And still..... I didn't have any mroe friends beign skinny than I did being fat...
And I lost most of them because I adopted a pretty S***** attitude....
So... I started eating again......
I started putting the weight back on my freshman year....all the way thru my senior year...
I was teased...tormented...pushed down stairs..
Pretty much stayed out of school functions for the most part.
I was terrified people would single me out and tease me more...
I was right... If I went to the pep rally's I got teased as well...
I wasn't antisocial.... Or at least I didn't want to be....
I just wanted someone....anyone...to cut me some slack....
It never happened..... I have a lot of regrets....oh..the regrets...
Missing senior prom is one of the biggest ones....
I went on a total of ONE...yes one...date my entire highschool life...
He never asked me out again because he got made fun of for asking me out...
Completely jacked up.....
I cried myself to sleep every ngiht...and soemtimes had to go to the bathrooms at school and cry so they didn't see me...
If I cried in front of the people that hurt me...
They won...and I coulodn't stomache that...
I missed out on so much....
If your kiddos are heavy...and they say everything is fine...
It's probably not....
They need more support than you know....
As an adult..... I was shy for the longest time....
I put on more...and more weight.....
Depression sunk in and at my heaviest 2009 I was 625 pounds....
That was two years ago....
I honestly would not wish being fat on my worst enemy....
So here I am... At 396....2 years later...
I can't get the past back...can't change the way things went...
But I can make my own future.....
And that's exactly what I intend to do....
*goosebumps* Thank you for sharing your story. I am so proud of you!! I love you and you have always been beautiful to me. Your laughter and smile and goodness and kindess have always brightened my day and made me a happier person. And on a somewhat lighter yet truthful note...I wish I'd gone to school with you...I'd of kicked some asses. I was picked on too until I tranfered to Hirschi where I was the 'cute blond' but even then I had a chip on my shoulder. I am just now starting to realize why I behaved the way I did. But you and I would have been good friends...and I would have kicked some asses. Love you, Jojo.
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